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Don't worry, Gordon has it all under control

 
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Garp
Allan Clarke
Allan Clarke


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:10 am    Post subject: Don't worry, Gordon has it all under control Reply with quote

Gordon has spoken to Cowell and Morgan, and he thinks Susan Boyle is going to be ok.

Thanks for that little nugget; that little heart warming ember of comfort.

There are people out here who's small businesses are going tits up largely because of Gordon, and this twat is trying to catch the hearts of the Sun readers of this nation with a little sob story (Everyone say Aghhh for Susan). Desperate measures in desperate times eh Gordon?

Gordon, close the door behind you. Oh, and book yourself a room in The Priory too, you lost the plot 10 years ago. Who knows, you may be able to get your next career up and running on the Edinburgh live sex club scene, doing a double head to tail act with Susan.....Hold that thought Evil or Very Mad






Last edited by Garp on Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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ArmleyWhite
David Batty
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think your missing one fact Steve.  Brown is playing to the moronic minority, that is rapidly gaining momentum in this country / planet who's sole interests include anything to do with celebrity, grade a or otherwise.  Thus detracting from the real issue of shafting us all with a fish fork in the meantime!



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Garp
Allan Clarke
Allan Clarke


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy  Believe me mate, I aint missed it. And they are all at it, shuffling for position as their sad arse jobs are on the line.Trouble is, as someone who still cares, I have no idea how to vote, and for the first time in my adult life, I am considering shredding my Poll Card.

Anyone for a series of Britain's Got Shafted starring all "Honourable Members".


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 12:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

By the time the nextg general election is here there will be 3 million people out of work and claiming every benefit under the sun - these people will suddenly think "oh this isn't so bad after all as I am earning as much now and I'm at home watching Jeremy Kyle than I was going out to work...Yay! Labour". There will be another (goodness knows how many million working within the civil service / public sector, all the quangos, the "enquiry" departments) few million all getting their bonuses and expenses paid for...Yay! Labour.

By the time he's finished there will be too many people RELIANT on labour to vote anywhere else  Evil or Very Mad
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ArmleyWhite
David Batty
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have always voted.  My dad taught me never to waste the vote.  However, I have never been a tory, wig, or even a labour voter.  I vote for the party I think will do the best in the coming years.  Unfortunately, this time round there is no clear "best" as far as I see.  Even the politics of this country are as apathetic as the majority of the folk.



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raveydavey
Eddie Gray
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's our duty to vote, even if it's for the "least bad" option.

I am however, deeply concerned that Gordo appears to be using the current shambles to sneak "Proportional Representation" in through the back door - and knowing the devious git he is it will be before the next election. Without a first past the post system it leaves the minority and fringe interest parties picking up enough votes to start holding the sway of power.

Although I'm a proud trade unionist, I'm seriously considering voting Conservative purely on the grounds that they are the only people likely to unseat Labour where I live - they got very, very close last time without any real effort at canvassing the ward. The LibDems and fringe parties were very distant also rans.

And if that posturing, slimy toad David Milliband succeeds in replacing Brown, then Labour have lost me until he's gone.



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Garp
Allan Clarke
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

raveydavey wrote:

that posturing, slimy toad David Milliband


Phew....I thought I was alone Very Happy


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
GORDON Brown last night outlined plans for a high powered 'tsar' to oversee the regulation of Susan Boyle.

Signalling the start of Labour's fightback, the prime minister is also expected to unveil a radical Susan Boyle-themed reshuffle on Friday with ministers being told to ensure all policies have been Susan Boyle-proofed.

A furious Mr Brown phoned freak-judges Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan on Sunday night to ask what they did to upset Susan and stressing, in the strongest possible terms, that if they made her cry again they would have to deal with him.

The prime minister is now receiving half-hourly updates from Boyle's doctors at the Priory Clinic and has had a CCTV camera installed in her bedroom so he can watch over her as she sleeps.

Dismissing the continued speculation over his own future, Mr Brown insisted he was 'getting on with the job' of reforming Britain Must be Stopped and ensuring the country emerged from the recession with a healthy Susan Boyle able to cope with the challenges of globalisation.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "Do you think my CV should be justified or aligned left? And what about fonts? I think Times Roman makes me come across as mature and professional."

Possible 'tsar' candidates include former BBC director general Greg Dyke, Tesco chief executive Sir Terry Leahy and retired Army Chief of Staff, General Sir Mike Jackson.

Number 10 has also sounded-out the New Avengers actress Joanna Lumley, who has an impressive track record in defending small, slightly unusual people with impenetrable accents.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 7:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
AS Gordon Brown fights for his political life the Daily Mash brings you a guide to the key players in the tumultuous battle for the heart and soul of the Labour party. No, we don't really give a shit either.

THE LOYALISTS

Lord Mandelson: Once Mr Brown's most deadly enemy, now described as his 'rock', which is perfect cover for the man who remains his most deadly enemy.

Jacqui Smith: A woman of stature, integrity, wisdom and great judgeme... oh dear, almost managed to get all the way through that. Loves Brown almost as much as her husband loves the skin flicks.

Ed Balls: The prime minister's right hand man who now harbours ambitions to succeed him. But backbenchers are divided; Some say he is a charmless, gutless little turd, while others insist he has a face you could punch all day.

Ed Miliband: We have no idea who this person is.

Yvette Cooper: Married to Ed Balls. Looks and sounds like a 12 year-old boy. Comprehensively unbearable.

Douglas Alexander: Looks and sounds like a 12 year-old girl. Comprehensively unbearable.

Alistair Darling: Once the prime minister's most trusted lieutenant but in recent months has grown uncomfortable with Mr Brown drumming his fingers so far up his lower intestine.

Nick Brown: The chief whip has been described as Mr Brown's 'hatchet man' as if he's some kind of East End gangster, but is actually just some fat ponce of a politician who would piss himself in a bar fight.


THE DISLOYALISTS


David Miliband: Enjoys bananas... Has dark hair... Quite tall? Unless we're thinking of someone else.

Hazel Blears: Britain's most powerful Borrower. Lives inside the skirting boards at Number 10 where she chews through the modem cables and eats off an old bobbin. Can make a Babybel cheese last for a month.

John Hutton: Brown's long-term enemy who once said he would be a 'fucking disaster' as PM and is therefore the cleverest man in the Labour Party by a 'fucking mile'.

James Purnell: If it looks like a junior salesman and sounds like a junior salesman, you call it what it is.

Jim Murphy: Has been described by close friends and family as 'the lowest point in the history of Cabinet government'.


THE NEUTRAL COWARDS

Alan Johnson: Played the postman in Eastenders from 1987 to 1994. Rumours persist that he his Ricky Butcher's real father. Insists he has no interest in being leader but now has the bleary-eyed look of a man who is up half the night wanking over the very thought of it.


John Denham: We have no idea who this person is.

Jack Straw: Described, usually by himself, as a 'safe pair of hands' and Labour's 'kingmaker' but is in fact totally irrelevant and always has been.

Andy Burnham: Claims he always really wanted to be the lead guitarist in an indie band but instead of actually trying to do that decided to put on a Marks and Spencers suit and become a fucking politician.

Hilary Benn: Has a girl's name but wears men's shoes so may be in the middle of sexual reassignment. Nobody knows whether it's man to woman or woman to man.

Harriet Harman: Worst. Person. Ever.


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ArmleyWhite
David Batty
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

     



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raveydavey
Eddie Gray
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

   



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Garp
Allan Clarke
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hehehehe Very Happy




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