raveydavey
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Time for a titter...WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are French,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are Thai
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are Spanish,
The Lovers are Belgian
and
It's all organized by the Americans.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it
used to be. Also, my short-term memory's
not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Lancashire
Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
Dewsbury:
Fifty thousand people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on
in the world at the moment, it is worth
reflecting on the death of a very
important person, which almost went
unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the
man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", died
peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic
part for his family was getting him into
the coffin. They put his left leg in. And
then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
As a senior citizen was driving down the
freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he
heard his wife's voice urgently warning
him, "Herman, I just heard on the news
that there's a car going the wrong way on
280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman.
"It's hundreds of them!"
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my
grandfather, not screaming in terror like
the passengers on his bus.
I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from
Tijuana. He left his card
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